Not Flesh of Our Flesh
Every now and again I listen to my music. I ask Siri to play Shannon McMahon and then listen to my songs in random order. Listening to them always brings back memories of writing and recording. I always enjoy seeing my songs evolve in the recording process and watching them grow to their full potential.
This morning on my short jaunt to Starbucks for my new favorite drink—grande iced matcha with soy and two pumps of horchata syrup, YUM—I heard a song I hadn’t really listened to in awhile. Not Flesh of My Flesh was written when I was 16 years old and feeling adrift. I was suffering the usual teenage angsty identity crisis with an added thorn. As an adoptee, I didn’t have a biological family history. I was connected to my adoptive parents’ family tree , and it is my family tree for sure, but I didn’t know what my true lineage was.
The title, Not Flesh of Our Flesh, refers to a poem my parents had given me, which was about belonging and being loved, no matter that I wasn’t biologically theirs.
Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone
but still Miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute
You did not grow under my heart
but in it.
by
Fleur Conkling Heyliger
I wrote an article for a journalism class in college that was published in the New York Times. The assignment was to write an article about yourself, and I wrote an article on being adopted. It made the top section of the Connecticut Opinion Page and had an illustration. I am still so proud of that moment. :)You can read it here. (This article is behind a paywall.)
The song was a way for me to acknowledge that while I was feeling a little lost identity-wise, I knew I was absolutely loved and valued in my family. All those years ago, I had no way of knowing that I would actually meet and connect with one of my biological half siblings. It took my song Connected to give me the courage to write a letter to her, she responded, and the rest is history. My biological history. I never, ever thought there would be any way I would know my birth family, and I was resigned to that, even if I was curious. What I did learn, however, was that I am exceedingly grateful for the way things turned out, and that I was where I was meant to be all along.
Here are the song links:
Not Flesh of Our Flesh: Apple Music Spotify
Connected: Apple Music Spotify
Thank you for reading and listening!